My first blog U challenge is a free flow of consciousness one. Never done this before. Suppose there just isn’t anything of interest on my mind right now? Who will read this crap? Dunno. But just keep on writing. ..
On my mind is my dog, Sheba. She’s on my mind often. She died 16 months ago and it’s hard to believe she’s been gone so long. I used to wonder how I could mansge without her. I think she gave me the chsnce to do some pre-death grieving by threatening to die so many times before the real thing. So by the time it happened I was kind of ready and prepared. I had learnt to appreciate the stage of life that is being old. I used to see it as a dreadful prelude to her death, but then I learnt to see it as s stage valuable in itself. When I saw that, I was blessed. I could walk with her, an old dog, and treasure the experience of her age. She was so special, and I have a smile on my face as I write. I have been so blessed to have her in my life for 12 years. I learnt so much from her. She actually helped me through my grief as if shevwas still there. On hard days I would remember her fortitude, braveness, strength and courage. I would raise my head and carry on as she would have done.
She left aspects of her character (or my reading of it, or what I took from her) inside me. It was often as though she was still withme. It was as ththough she wasn’t dead – as though she was in me. Like a warmth around my heart. She was very special to me during her life, and she gifted me so much even in her death.
For a year I didn’t feel bereft. She seemed tobe sstill with me. But in the last few months I began to feel as though I was grieving. I missed her a lot. Perhaps it was the move of house. In the old house I could look at a place and see her there in my mind’s eye by calling up a memory. Hrre she has never been in corporeal form. I guess that’s what’s caused it.
Oraybe she’s devided I’ve managed to move on at last. She’s seen me through and it’s time for her to move on. She stayed slive until after my third child was born. I asked her to if she could, so he would have known her if rven just for a little while. Then she stayed with me till I could manage. Then perhaps she moved on.
You know, I’m usually a very rationsl and analytical person.